At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
