I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There r osticjed everywhere
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
