He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
