fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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