honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can you bring me the toilet please
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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