so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
