If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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