omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
