i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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