I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
