So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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