part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
