you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
