Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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