Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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