Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
