**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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