I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
two words: eviction party
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
