Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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