im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
