my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
