In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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