thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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