My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
