I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
