I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize