You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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