Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize