Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i love accidental penises.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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