You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
