Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
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YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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