$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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