You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
