the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
