Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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