I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
