we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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