How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
