And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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