dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
