Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize