sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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