We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
