1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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