so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
