I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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