omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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