rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
