I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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