wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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