I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
