remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
