just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Randomize
