True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
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I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your penis caused this!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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