dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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