Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize