I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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