Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize